Why has coaching become so important to me? Why did I invest time and money to travel for four weeks meeting leaders in Ethiopia and Zambia?
One answer is Isaac, a young man I met my last day in Addis Ababa. Isaac attended one of two conversations about coaching advertised on Facebook for anyone who wished to attend.
Afterwards, Isaac spoke to me personally. We even took a selfie! He is a volunteer youth leader at his church, the only adult who seems to be investing energy in a large number of teenagers. He admits he’s not sure what he’s doing. But he does not want the youth left on their own. Many, he said, are already drifting away from church.
Here’s the dilemma. Isaac deeply wants to invest his life in these youth, but no one is investing their life in him. Isaac needs a coach!
When people ask me what coaching is all about, here is one way I often respond:
It is impossible to be an effective leader all by myself. I’m not referring only to those with positional authority, e.g. those with the large offices or higher status on the organizational chart. All of us have leadership roles of one kind or another in our homes, workplaces and churches.
Every effective leader needs people willing to invest in him or her because leadership is hard.
- An effective leader needs relationships that provide support and encouragement, because leadership is demanding—leadership sucks energy out of leaders until they are depleted mentally, emotionally, and often most of all, spiritually as well.
- An effective leader also need relationships that provide feedback and accountability, because leadership is isolating—leadership tempts leaders to make a false assumption, namely that the way they understand and see the world is how the world actually exists.
In both American and African society, leaders are often put up on pedestals. It is both demanding and isolating to be up on that pedestal!
- Up on the pedestal, leaders often live in a bubble. New but challenging points of view to help the leader better comprehend reality often don’t penetrate this bubble. There are few people who will offer a leader honest feedback, especially if the leader does not want to hear it.
- Up on the pedestal, asking for help to solve a problem is culturally discouraged. Up on the pedestal, leaders must “have all the answers.”
- Up on the pedestal, any desire to collaborate with others is often seen as a sign of weakness in the leader.
Up on the pedestal, it is not unusual for many leaders to adopt a “go it alone” mentality. Their goal becomes staying up on the pedestal, no matter how lonely it might be!
“Go it alone” leaders do not seek out the life-giving relationships that will help them become all God intends for them to be. They function far below their capacity—what they are capable of offering to their families, their churches and their organizations. Add up the collective loss of leader effectiveness across an entire society and the consequences are enormous!
Coaching offers what every effective leader needs—support and encouragement, as well as feedback and accountability. Since returning home from Africa on March 14, I’ve already had five coaching conversations with leaders in Ethiopia.
Coaching offers a different perspective on leadership that many younger African leaders like Isaac are seeking.
- Coaches focus on listening rather than talking—many younger leaders have never had even a single person really interested in listening to them.
- Coaches ask questions rather than dispense answers —many younger leaders are grateful when someone invests time to help them find their own answers; self-discovery is the only kind of learning that is really meaningful and sticks with us.
- Coaches do not pretend to know it all—many younger leaders find this vulnerability refreshing in cultures where leaders must appear to be all-wise and invincible.
- Coaches are more interested in internal growth than external authority—this gets to the heart of a new kind of leadership style many yearn for today.
One young man named Lincoln in the group photo to the left works for an NGO serving young women living on the streets in Addis Ababa. His group offers these girls housing, food, medical care, vocational training, and most of all, people who care for them.
After sharing all these valuable things his organization is doing to help these young women, he made this interesting comment after hearing my presentation about the value of coaching:
“When the girls come to us for help about their problems, we give them advice. We tell them what to do. But we never help them learn how to solve their own problems by themselves. We need to help them work through a problem by asking them questions and really listening, not just giving them answers. We need to become their coaches.”
In an email I received recently from Isaac, he describes some of this struggles and questions.
When having a fellowship with your fellow Christian brothers and sisters, to what extent should the fellowship go, because fellowship is or should be more than being together and studying the bible. We should live out what we studied and that requires building relationships, and this relationship comes with so many things.
Well, the main core value is love, and this days I have really been tested in this regard. Church in the bigger congregation is easier I think. But in setting of fellowship, may I ask how far do we build this relationships, how far do we love and live in this fellowship. What can we do to be strong in loving others?
Of course, whether in the US or Ethiopia, it’s always easier to have a Bible study than live out what we study in relationships with each other! Churches are unfortunately often geared to “programs” but not getting specific with living out the gospel with each other for fear of people shying away.
Isaac is part of a new generation of leaders who are not settling for the status quo and digging beneath the surface to ask all the right (but risky!) questions. Church transformation begins with such questions. It is a wonderful privilege to know more and more leaders like him.
Increasing the leadership capacity of a few leaders like Isaac can, by God’s grace, make an exponential impact across a congregation, even across a denomination, even across a society!
This is why I’m excited to invest my time and energy in coaching.
Question: How have you seen coaching at work in your life?
Note: Isaac gave me his permission to use his photo, story and quotation in this post.
